Hi Friends,

Even as I launch this today ( my 80th Birthday ), I realize that there is yet so much to say and do.

There is just no time to look back, no time to wonder,"Will anyone read these pages?"

With regards,
Hemen Parekh
27 June 2013

Friday, 21 November 1980

Aso-Palav

There is an urge to write,
to let go ,
to let off
all the random thoughts,
some sacred , some vile,
but all mine  ;

The thoughts have no connection,
no links ;

These are not waters of a 
mountain stream
continuous , inseparable ;

My thoughts are like fire crackers,
exploding random ,
startling even me !

There is this question of existence
your ,
mine ,
( - and then there are others ) ;

The " what " and the " why " of
our lives,
your,
mine ;

There will be some difference
( to others ),
if I were to cease
to exist ;

None to me,
nor to you -
although I am not too sure
about a life after death ,
about re-incarnation,
about finding you in the
world beyond ;

But then
what do I have to look forward to ,
if I continue to breathe,
for another 20 years ?

Death ,
born out of " Shradhha "
( to be united with you,
  in the next life ),
would certainly be better  ;

But before I go to sleep,
I pray for your long life ;

Paradoxically ,
or is it my reverence for you ?
or for life ?

There is one mission to fulfill though ,
one obligation ;

To lessen the suffering of those
others,
who have come to depend upon me ,
for whom my life
could be a means to fulfill
some ambitions  ;

I cannot desert them ;

Whether this is my ego
or an excuse to continue my
stale breath ,
I cannot say  ;

There is also this question
of 
your wanting to go with me -

How desperately though ?

I am ashamed to 
even think of this -

You have not failed me so far
whereas
I have been a renegade ;

I have deserted you in the past,
almost :

I have been a weakling
I have let you down  ;

So it is I
who should be asking myself ,
how desperately do I wish
to follow you
to the other world ;

I have a need 
to prove to myself
that I am worthy of
your blind trust  ;

This one supreme sacrifice
can cleanse my past ;
once again 
my glazed eyes can
rest upon your face
without feeling guilty
( I beg you , my friends
  not to close my eyelids
  when I am dead ,
 unless
 you have gifted my eyes
 to bring light
 into the life
 of an unfortunate blind )

Most whom I 
( or we ? )
leave behind ,
might think of this
as an act of cowardice
- a running away from responsibilities ;

I beg their pardon,
( I admit ),
for a few minutes of cowerdice
and it is not in our defence
that I beseech them
to ponder over
the tremendous ( almost heroic ),
courage
that you have shown , in particular
and
that I have shown to a lesser extent
during the decades gone
the years of agonies,
the tears of agonies,
that were camoflaged
beneath
two smiling faces ;

I am glad
they could not read the depths
of our eyes !

Yes , dear ones ,
we have tried to grow an
Aso-Palav ,
atop a blazing volcano !

And all those souls
who ever wish to be united
in the life beyond death ,
let them take a small branch
of this Aso-Palav
and plant elsewhere
and tend gently , lovingly
with unflinching faith
in what lies beyond
and the faith will 
come true ;
the faith of Aso
and the faith of Palav ;

-----------------------

21 Nov 1980